Oink Oink

Ah dae dae... When I saw u at your window you were smiling so beautifully...Ha my heart is still beating fast when I think of the moment.

You remind me of an olden fairy tale about a princess that stands at a castle window spreading her long hair out all the way to the ground. At the window, she is waiting for her prince to climb up her room.

To look at you from my car is nice. The moment of us smiling and covering our mouth make me miss u more. Just kinda romantic. Our surprise and smile tell it all.

Sorry if you thought that I left u too fast because I did not know how to react at that time. But I never left your carpark. I was cooling my excitement at the carpark further down. When I turned back u have left the window...

Thank you for the unforgettable night..muack! Don't be angry with me.

Zbj says sorry to you..

Important Decision

There are many important decisions made in life. In the past 4 days, I had been at a cross road. There was one very important decision waiting to be made.

Mentally I was quite tired. I had been thinking about it again and again weighting the pros and cons on the possible outcomes. To be honest, I needed view points from people who are closed to me. I needed their advises and importantly their support.

I might be wrong or I might be correct. I thought I needed an answer. As my stress became intense, I realised, all I needed was a supportive voice. Someone who could understand me, willing to walk together with me.

I was lost and confuse. I am sure if I tell wifey about it, she will give me the support I need. However, at that moment, piggy was having her exmaination week and we were not in talking term.

Ha..so kannina coincident. I had been sending her sms and msn. Well, all I wanted was to motivate her, let her know I was with her despite the misunderstanding. I felt she needed my support. Maybe it was love that kept me believe in it. Believing that she will smile at my messages.


Just a pity, that was all single sided communication from me. Many sms sent, but she seldom replied. Slowly I started to believe she was finding me a nuisance than smiling at my messages. I do admit, sometime I wanted her reply badly. I needed her reponse and her support too..

I did let her know I was tired at certain day but not the cause. I was tired by what decision to make. It was a mental stress. There were people interviewing me. Trying to sway my decision. Dae... How I hope you can be there with me, listen to me, hug me. I need you.

It was a difficult week. My superiors were giving me chance to reconsider each time I made my decision. I did hint you once, parting is difficult but memory is nice and you thought it was referring to us. I didn't come to you as and when I like. Just that at that moment, I was in a sea of confusion and uncertainty.


Now I have made my decision and it is final. I will be leaving MSL after so many years with the company. Frankly, that requires lot of courage. Dae, I really hope you were there to advise me instead of telling me to mind my own business. I was sad to hear that...

Those weeks were not easy for me...

Drift away

I was looking at some of the old messages I sent to wifey. There was one I sent out during her examination week which I find it especially touching. It reminds me of all the names I use on her. Her sweetness, fun and cute expressions suddenly emerge in my mind.

"Boooooo. Its me again.
Bee..Wifey baby dae...Ah dae dae...
Piggy...Ah Li Ku Ku..Zhu Ba Jie...
Dae...Ku Ku...Lao Po...Dan Xiao Gui...
Pouted Lip...Sian Diao Facce..Monkey Face...
Melted Heart...

Pls work hard for me k. Dun give up, Dun be lazy ah...
Am still here with you de.. .."

As I read the sms, tear flow down my cheek. I know we are drifting apart.
Far apart....

Everywhere I go

You have mentioned that every single day, there will be things that remind you of me. For example, the car, the songs and even the foods. You just cant stop thinking about me.

Dae, I have been experiencing the same things. No matter where I go or who I am with, you can always find your way into my mind.

Thousand pieces

I am not in good mood with you since the incident. This is what she replies me. My heart breaks into a thousand pieces. Her comment is powerful enough to freeze me.

I feel her pain, hatred and injustice in the sentence . It is like a knife strikes through my heart. The pain is suffocating me.

I have been avoiding it. I have been hintng it and I have never wanted to hurt her. Yet when I avoid, more questions ask. When i hinted, curiousity got the better part of her. When she was hurt, ironically my love caused her the most pain.

I cried I yelled and I banged my head. But nothing could change that. For the past two days, I had been typing my heart out. My feeling to her just could not hide. Every message, sms had my feeling and love in it.


Initially I asked her not to reply me as i thought I could handle it all. Soon every message sent out was returned with every bit of disappointment I could feel.

It is now I realised, her reply is one of my biggest joy in life.

Miss You

I hate listening to music now. Songs just make me think of u more and more. Regardless of where I am, who I am with, the pain of missing u haunt me day and night. The pain is torturing me. Can time heal me? I don't know.


As for you dae, maybe one day your feeling and love for me will be gone from your heart. Someone else will definitely replace me. Should that day come, I really hope you still smile when you think of me...

I miss u.

Baby's love. Dae's hate

"Do not tell me, for I've heard it all,
there is too much to do with hate,
but much more to do with love"

- William Shakespeare

Liar

The sky was filled with grey cloud on Friday afternoon. Occasionally, cool wind breezed pass causing the surrounding trees to sway and grasses to rustle. When the wind was gone, the hard concrete ground was covered with fallen leaves.

The weather was gloomy and the day was sad. So was my heart.

I knew where baby's anger came from. The reason had haunted me the whole morning. I could not bring my mood up even during lunch break. As usual, I drove the two front desk ladies out for lunch. However, our lunch trip was made special with my Indian colleague joining us.

I was not chatty as before. While on the way back to office, I remained silent most of the time and since I was in bad mood, I found FM Radio flicking irritating especially when DJ started talking or commercial break. So I switched among the English Radio station every now and then.

Then one of the front desk lady suddenly shot out, "Hey, I want Jay Chou's Song. Play it." I was surprised by her request as my Indian colleague was sitting at the front seat. I felt he would be the odd one out if I played those songs. Yet I could not reject the request by telling the truth. This would definitely make him feel bad and reluctant to join us the next time.

So I lied. Pointing at the radio I said, "I like this song. Let me finish it first." Adam Lambert's Mad World was playing in the air...

"And their tears are fillin' up their glasses
No Expression, no expression
hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin' are the best i ever had
I find it hard to tell you. I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very, very
Mad world, mad world.."

O, the song had reminded my sorrow. A heart breaking moment. When the song was done. I took out Jay's Chou's CD and passed it to the requester. "Take it. Go play it yourself."

Unexpectedly there was giggles in the car. Instead of inserting the CD into the player I treated the requester like one. Yup I had successfully changed the topic and by then we had reached our office.

When all of them left, I sat alone in my car. Baby's face flashed in my mind. I thougth to myself, " Dae I just lied. Not to deceive but just that I refuse to cause hurt." Closed my eye I drowned in my own sorrow...

Baby is angry

Baby is angry with me. She refuses to answer my call, reply my email, msn and sms. I send her video links, type her jokes and speak nonsense to her. But she is not moved.

Bee...

Between Us

We are both fun loving people. I find myself especially mischievous when she is around. Not only that, even when comes to MSN i can be quite disturbing and self delusive . Maybe because of that we develop such a strong affection and attachment for each other within these few months.

As time passes, I get more use to calling her piggy. On the phone, face to face talk and even in MSN. But look what she had replied me in MSN:


WAHHH!! Say me piggy!!
U then piggy looooo!!!! hahahahahahaaa!!
PURPOSELY FLOOD MY MSN AH... hahaahahaa
I've just got home n showered le...
Talk to u later in e day bah...
Miss uuuuuuuuuu!!
And ya... Everywhere I go.. everyday.. i'll be reminded of u from all sorts of things outside.. at least once a day.. baaaaa...
hahahahaaa...
Main point: Why this piggy always evolve around my life huh? haha!
Love ya.. *muacks

Simple messages. But it is simple enough to make me smile.

We both are very similar in character and we have many common thoughts. For example, we used to wear like PAP (ha.. full white dressing). Some really old songs like "The moon reflects my feeling to you", "My way of caring you" are songs that I like and I think not many young people will appreciate them. But incidentally she sang them in front of me.


We are both as mischievous and we did a few crazy things together. Guess that make each other special. For instance, I had never let anyone lie on my thigh while i drive. Never kissed anyone while on the move. But she did all of them.


We often laugh at each other in the car. I like to drive with one hand while the other hand tickles her. She likes to take picture of me in the car and at time she can be daring too. So daring that she can suddenly press her elbow on my thigh when I drive and laugh at my "Don't know what to do" expression. How dare she does that on me?

We fought with the wave by challenging each other who could step the furtherest before the next wave arrived. We teased at each other in the park. When i walked a bit slow, she said i looked like a penguin. When I became touchy, she slapped my back.


We can be playful too. Fighting our feet underneath the dinning table and yet feeding each other with food on the table top.

As i recall all the moments, I smile....

Sleep

We were suppose to meet tonite. I thought of going to sentosa that was why msn her to check if she was interested. As usual, i sent her a question mark. For 5 min I waited and there was still no respond. I guessed she might have fallen asleep.

Today is the start of school. It must be a long day for her. I decided not to disturb her and so straight home i went.

Have a good rest...