Another decision

Like I said last nite something is wrong with me recently. I miss her alot. The feeling get stronger after receiving her sms greeting. The first thing i woke up was to check if there are anymore sms from her... How stupid am I.

In fact I had cut a deal with myself. I will only sms or contact her only if she initiates it. Never ask her out unless she asks for it. It may sound silly. But the fact is I had tried smsing her in the past and it irritated her than got thing the way i wanted it to be.

Also when one day she contacted me. That will be the time she genuine think of me and communication between us will be lots more easier. Otherwise I am like clapping with one hand.

There goes the saying:

"If u ever want something badly. let it go. If it comes back to you, then its yours forever. If it does not, then it was never yours to begin with."

Yah... I have to let her go even though i miss her badly.

Still Remember me

Went to Michael's house this afternoon. Had some games of black jack but luck did not seem to be on my side. A few rounds I had 19 or 20 but still i could not win my bet. It was either draw or the banker, Mr Koh, won them. Hey... its really kannina! I had 20 in my cards and still its a drew game.. Mr Koh's luck was in top form!

The next few rounds I had 15, 16 or 17. Kinda difficult game. Within 1 hours my fifteen dollars all went to Mr Koh's pocket. I Stopped the gamble since luck was not on my side.

Just some strange feeling on me recently. Like yesterday night I kept thinking of her. Then on the way back from Michael's house, Inevitably, i thought of her again. yah.. it hurts.

I watched the anime ONE PIECE recently. Am really touched at one part where BiBi princess stood on top of the clock tower witnessing war between her own people. She shouted with all her might again and again, begging her people to stop fighting each other.

Pain, helplessness and disappointment shown in her face. Again and again her voice lost in an environment where men focus on killing each other. It was a painful sight to see. Kinda pityful. Then Miracle happened. Water droplet started to fall from the sky. From droplets it turned into a heavy downpour.

Only at that instant people stopped to see the Phenomenon that had not happen for 3 years. It was then her voice was heard; the weak voice that had been Propagating in the air finally reached everyone ears.

The war stopped.

And ya its hurt because I shouted many time in my heart too.

"I love u with all my heart, Sincerity and seriousness. You will know it if only you know me. yes only if you know me."

A little bit similar? Ha… But only this time my voice can never reach her. No miracle. And that’s why it hurts…..

Hey! though my courtship is kannina... my overall life is still a happy one. Always has a happy face..

Who know what tomorrow can bring me…

So here comes the surprise. She sent lunar new year greeting to me... Yes i have been waiting for it to comes.

She still remembers me...!!! That makes me happy even though she remembers me as a friend after all.

Another New year

So here comes 2008 and today is already the 2nd night of lunar new year. The feeling was still there. Looking at your picture in the facebook,

How i wish i can talk to u..
make u remember me,
make u miss me and
make u love me.

Back to reality i need to accept it. She might not even remember me if one day we happen to see each other in the street. So be strong i am. I grow to understand this meaning:

"Dont let someone be the priority in your life...
when you are just or may be not even an option for them."