How to handle it
13/06/07 - 9.40am. I am now in the office. My mood does not since to get back. The kannina feeling kick in. Once it starts, you will be thinking of the some old thing again. Nothing seems to interest me. Though the same old feeling is there, the fear and panick seems to reduce. Slowly accepting the fact? Well, i am not sure yet but i know the pain is as hurting.
At work, I have a few things to take care on hand. First, SAP plan. I need to discuss with Helen the things to take note for SAP validation and next week acceptance test. Next, I have to edit my program for it to be timesheet capable. Escaleen's user right problem needs to investigate follows by finish up FTP program for carpark. I am in such a bad mood, just too lazy to use my brain power, i choose to discuss with Helen first.
The discussion makes me feel better. I seem to forget all the unhappiness while talking to Helen. I listen to every words she said without my mind straying to the Kannina incident. And i speak well too. Not as moody as yesterday. Talking to someone bring up my mood. It helps curing my depression.
Back at my desk, i get my concentration back and keep my mind on the programming work. However, after a while about 1 hour plus later , i feel sad again. Happen that Raymond needs my assistance on IT matter, i went to fourth floor to look for him.
On my way to see him, i met Hani the receptionist. I use to learn malay from her and in a playful way. As usual, i greeted her in Malay and surprisingly i smile and even laugh at the mistake that is in my malay statement. I guess i look as usual to her.
So smile does help. To me it seems that talking to someone you use to joke around with can help bring back the cheerful part of yourself back. At least it works on me.
Now came the afternoon. I had myself buried at my desktop cracking my head on how to solve my programming problem. Yes this time round i was really concentrating on my work. The output of my program does not match the desire outcome. It seem that there are some serious matter to think of and i can forget those unhappy thinking for that moment.
In the late afternoon, i was really tire. Mentally exhausted. Then my good friend Kevin sent me a sms to confirm our appointment later. I confirm immediately. After Monday I am now scare of being alone. Funny thinking will kick in to sadden me. I realise by keeping myself busy as much as possible and talk to people more often can help me bounce back.
But when night's fall, i am back facing my own self. Though i cant hide the fact that i miss her, my mind also has this strange thinking that her character and the activities that she is involved in might not suit me. In short we simply don't much. Am I forcing myself to accept the fact by thinking of the negative point between us?
I dont know but i think of joining her running club on saturday. I just want to give her the surprise and want myself to be with her. I feel that i am too slow in action and that is why someone buy her flower before i could do it. Many of the time i just think and no action.
At the moment i am stilling struggling what to do. Let see if i have the answer tomorrow.
At work, I have a few things to take care on hand. First, SAP plan. I need to discuss with Helen the things to take note for SAP validation and next week acceptance test. Next, I have to edit my program for it to be timesheet capable. Escaleen's user right problem needs to investigate follows by finish up FTP program for carpark. I am in such a bad mood, just too lazy to use my brain power, i choose to discuss with Helen first.
The discussion makes me feel better. I seem to forget all the unhappiness while talking to Helen. I listen to every words she said without my mind straying to the Kannina incident. And i speak well too. Not as moody as yesterday. Talking to someone bring up my mood. It helps curing my depression.
Back at my desk, i get my concentration back and keep my mind on the programming work. However, after a while about 1 hour plus later , i feel sad again. Happen that Raymond needs my assistance on IT matter, i went to fourth floor to look for him.
On my way to see him, i met Hani the receptionist. I use to learn malay from her and in a playful way. As usual, i greeted her in Malay and surprisingly i smile and even laugh at the mistake that is in my malay statement. I guess i look as usual to her.
So smile does help. To me it seems that talking to someone you use to joke around with can help bring back the cheerful part of yourself back. At least it works on me.
Now came the afternoon. I had myself buried at my desktop cracking my head on how to solve my programming problem. Yes this time round i was really concentrating on my work. The output of my program does not match the desire outcome. It seem that there are some serious matter to think of and i can forget those unhappy thinking for that moment.
In the late afternoon, i was really tire. Mentally exhausted. Then my good friend Kevin sent me a sms to confirm our appointment later. I confirm immediately. After Monday I am now scare of being alone. Funny thinking will kick in to sadden me. I realise by keeping myself busy as much as possible and talk to people more often can help me bounce back.
But when night's fall, i am back facing my own self. Though i cant hide the fact that i miss her, my mind also has this strange thinking that her character and the activities that she is involved in might not suit me. In short we simply don't much. Am I forcing myself to accept the fact by thinking of the negative point between us?
I dont know but i think of joining her running club on saturday. I just want to give her the surprise and want myself to be with her. I feel that i am too slow in action and that is why someone buy her flower before i could do it. Many of the time i just think and no action.
At the moment i am stilling struggling what to do. Let see if i have the answer tomorrow.
posted by dae at Wednesday, June 13, 2007
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