Cant get over it

The sms really affected me. I could not concentrate on my work. I could not find my focus. The kannina feeling kept kicking in. I was down the whole day. Could not really progress much in my programming and could not contribute much in SAP meeting... a kannina zombie day.

What happen to me? The surronding does not seem to interest me. Why am I thinking of her, the shocking sms and what will happen next. Kinda of losing heart now in whatever I do. I am interested in only my handphone. I just hope that she can tell me more... ...

It's addictive to miss a person? Why am I feeling this bad when in the begining I have prepared to lose her? It seems like i still cannot accept this fact.

I guess nobody like torturing themselve nor feel sorry for himself. If i am not able to get myself out of this circle, I will be going round and round with the feeling hurting inside me.

I guess what makes me painful is the refusal to accept fact that she wants to remain as only friend. All the while I still have the slight hope of her accepting me one day. But her sms that came in yesterday is telling me otherwise.

Partially i was hoping to do something with her in the coming months when i think i will have a car by then. I can jog with her every saturday morning. Get her a birthday cake and find more excuse to see her, eat crab with her and drive her home and etc. May be she will think differently of me just one day.

Now it seems not possible if she really like her admirer. What annoys me is that my rival buy her flowers which is something that i wanted to do when her birthday is nearer...

He just ruined all my plan for her. I dont blame anyone just that all this seem to suffocate me. And i have no control over it. I am not sure how soon i can bounce back but i am pretty sure i will bounce back.

Keep myself smiling even if i feel differently. Once u get the spirit right, good mood will come to u.

Yup, though i feel bad and badly wanted to call u, i still restrict myself. I know u will feel bad to know me in such a state... let it go and i will be out of the circle. Guess once u are back from Egypt i will contact u again. Will be glad to hear from u again...

Jia You ba.. my seaflower, u have my blessing... always!